Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I am my mother's son

My mother and I both have had a lot of pain in our lives, I will not share on my mother's story because that is hers to tell. However I am here to share a piece of the puzzle as we both have had similar backgrounds and a similar story to tell.

There is one thing over anything that her and I share in common. It is our ability to write. My mother is published and does articles often. My mother and I both were given this gift of writing about our lives and some people do not agree with things we have to say others find the message we are trying to put out there in this world.

My mother raised me by herself and people blamed her for the way I turned out. They blamed her for my homosexuality, my addiction problems and my mental issues. I am writing this post to explain one thing. My mother truly loves me. She did nothing but the best to raise me. She lent her hand to me when I struggled with coming to terms with my sexuality. Though she says she wouldn't have chosen this life for me she is proud to have me as her son. I was born with severe emotional problems my mother was alone with no help from doctors, family or friends to understand. I grew up in a time where children with emotional and mental disorders wasn't taken seriously and when it was they would dose children up with ritalin and send them on their way. My mother tried every outlet to get me the help I needed but options were very limited at that time.

As far as my addiction and substance abuse goes, my mother did not expose me to drugs, alcohol or anything else for that matter. I discovered drugs on my own. She warned me of the consequences of drugs and the dangers of drugs, she educated me on the lifestyle that comes with it. I made a conscious decision to turn to that lifestyle as a way of being accepted as I was made fun of a lot by other kids and that became my outlet to fit in. At first it worked out but in the end 17 years later it didn't. 

Sexuality again, when I did come out my mother educated me on sex as I was placed in an alternative school where I learned sex ed in 5th grade and my mother would teach me about gay sex ed at home teaching me the warnings of HIV and STDs. She was very informative and did not judge.

When I ran away from home, she was heavily ridiculed and blamed by everyone. My mother had nothing to do with the choices I made. My emotional and mental stability along with substance abuse along with longing to fit in was to blame.  She did not overreact nor did she abuse me at all.

Yes I was spanked as a form of discipline, but that was a time where that was accepted and also I agree with that form of discipline sometimes sending your kid to their room and putting them on a time out is not efficient.

Yes I was spoiled and got whatever I wanted, however I was also told to get a job when I was of age and to work for what I wanted I was starting to pay rent as a teenager and pay for my own responsibilities and luxuries.

All in all I had a good upbringing and home life. My mother had to work and couldn't be there 24/7 but she included me in everything she did. I was her life I never get to thank her enough for making life as easy as possible.
So here are things I am eternally grateful for. I am grateful that I have such an understanding and supportive mother. I am grateful that she gave me the ability to write, I am grateful and lucky to be given the love I was given by her. I am extremely grateful she did not shelter me or sugarcoat the world for me and taught me real life. I am grateful that she is proud to call me her son even though I did not act or treat her like a son would for a large number of years. Most of all I am grateful that my mother gets to see me who I am now because just knowing I make her proud is a big part of what keeps me going and even though we are not in the same state and life happens just knowing she is a phone call away makes things bearable.

Yes my mother and I have been given the gift of writing I can only hope that one day I can be published like her.

No comments:

Post a Comment