Psychic abilities and the occult. Ok now that I got the skeptics to stop reading this I can continue. When I was very young I knew there was something different about me. I remember talking to imaginary friends who weren't so imaginary after all. One of them my mother found a death certificate for. Others were loved ones of people I knew. I started off not knowing what I was doing or even realizing that it was abnormal. I didn't know or realize that I had a connection with the other side.
I remember my mom taking me to restaurants when I was little and on several occasions people who were dying were drawn to me. This one lady came up to me when I was 7 at a restaurant and just hugged me and said this child is powerful to my mom. It would freak me out as I didn't understand what she was saying. Then on my tenth birthday two psychics came up to me on the beach and talked to me saying how I had such a strong energy, they gave me a quarts crystal to help me channel my energy. They warned me of the dark arts and how I would be tempted by darkness but not to let it in..... So every time I had a bad feeling or energy I would imagine a steel box surrounding me and it would go away. I wore that crystal around my neck until one day at school it just disappeared.
When I was 9 my mom and I were at a church rummage sale and we found an old Ouija board. I didn't really need it as I was talking to spirits on a regular basis but I was drawn to it. Around the same time I lost the crystal when I was 12 the Ouija board started working. I started talking to things I couldn't see and they would never identify themselves. I remember around the last time I used it it counted and went through the alphabet backwards and I passed out. The next day I started wearing all black and started lighting black candles. Chanting and spells started coming natural to me. Parlor tricks were my game. Kids who made fun of me at school would get mysteriously injured, or sick. I thought I had it under control but then my attitude changed. My mom didn't recognize me anymore my friends didn't know who I was anymore and I ranaway from home. Refusing to believe this had anything to do with practicing the dark arts I continued down my path of destruction.
Some people don't believe in this sort of thing and I respect that. But for years I practiced it and saw things that one would only see in horror movies and nightmares. I would laugh at people who didn't believe spirits could cause harm because I watched and became victim to spirit assault. I would have scratches, bruises all over my body. I would have black-outs for hours and sometimes days where people would say I was someone else completely, my voice would change my demeanor would change and sometimes my voice would have 3 or more tones at once.
When I was 16 it got worse, when I moved in with my father it would get so angry when he would accuse me of being a satanist and saying that he saw demons all around me. I would black out at night and would come to realizing I was putting curses on him. I would cancel them out every time however it got progressively worse..... When I ranaway and went back to Seattle I began working in an occult bookshop as a tarot reader where in between clients I would read books on how to make someone fall in love with me. There was one boy who didn't like me back who I wanted to love me. Well I tried every single spell I learned on him using the words "I want him to fall for me so hard to where he can only think of me to the point where he can't stand it. I want him to want me so bad that he won't rest until he has me." Needless to say I got exactly what I asked for. He went completely psychotic and obsessed over me to the point where he wanted me dead. I also almost lost my leg due to infected spider bites. When I went back to the occult store they told me that what I did was an abuse of power and mind rape. That the particular spirit I called on was who infected me with spider bites and that her legend was when she was angry she would turn men into poisonous spiders. I tried reversing the spell but there were too many done I couldn't undo it. However right when I begged for forgiveness my leg was better. But the wound didn't heal for 3 years. I was also bound from using magick for a year. Meaning I even lost my psychic abilities.
After that year was up I didn't need spells anymore, and was way beyond parlor tricks the spirits came back flooding in, my abilities were stronger than ever and all I had to do was think it and it would happen. I joined a pagan cult who tried to discredit me and all I had to do was say the words and I did and sure enough they were destroyed. Not dead ofcourse just mentally and emotionally screwed. The cult fell apart and to this day none of them will ever be the same.
I used my gifts for pure evil. Vengeance was my nature. I didn't realize the toll it was taking on me. I was also very active in addiction to drugs. My heart grew very cold and sadness consumed me. I subsequently ended up homeless delusional and addicted to drugs. I had lost everything and then I remembered the day on the beach when I was 10 "No matter what you do don't let the darkness in it will consume you" I broke down and cried till there was nothing left inside of me. I couldn't just will it away. The spirits were gone, the gods weren't listening, my abilities were gone. I was just an empty shell. Everything I was warned about happened.
I brief history before I say what happened after this. I come from a long line of mediums and psychics on both sides of my family. My father sees spirits as well as the rest of his side one aunt can talk to animals, and others are empaths and so on. My mother has dreams and can read energy and can predict things before they happen. However none of them went where I went with it. I had a double whammy as I had it all....
Long story short I got my life semi cleaned up rarely used my cards and my abilities came back but never the same. I couldn't practice anything without having terrible consequences. However I tried using it for good but it would still always end badly.
But let me tell you how it saved my life. Right before my overdose when I came down here to South Florida I dropped my tarot cards and the Tower of destruction fell out. When I picked it up I got violently ill and that night I overdosed. When I overdosed I saw a woman standing there before me. She didn't speak but I knew who she was. She had tears streaming down her face but she was smiling. She extended her hand and I took it ready to go where ever she was taking me. She shook her head and touched my chest and all of a sudden a jolt hit me. I woke up with energy I haven't felt since before this all began. I knew that when I died for those few minutes that whatever was plaguing me was gone. Everything was back. I was back.
About 2 months later my cards were sent to me. I used them a couple times but they told me something that scared the hell out of me. They told me someone was going to die who I became close to. Sure enough one of my friends had died. She died the exact way I was told. Afterward I saw her a few times. Since then I have seen spirits all around just like when I was little. I haven't used my cards since then but I haven't wanted to get rid of them.
I let darkness in and I honestly believe I was possessed. Because even before drugs came to be in my story the darkness consumed me. It overtook me and I was never the same. I realized that demons take many forms and the "devil" comes in ways we don't always see at first.
What do I believe in now? Well, I still believe in everything I used to believe in. I am not a christian. I still call myself a pagan. I still very much so believe in the powers of magick. But I do not use it. I do not want to risk waking up something or open a door that is closed for a reason. I call what I believe in "God" but that by no means is biblical and also can change depending on my circumstances.......
I do still believe and practice the wiccan reed "Do what thou will, and harm none"
And that is my story. You don't have to believe or take heed of my beliefs, as I don't have to believe or take heed of yours. We all have different experiences and we all see spirituality differently.....